There is lying.
There is honesty.
Then there are those who don’t lie, they simply don’t tell.
They provide diplomatic answers that are general, broad and unable to be tied down – leaving the questioner confused and feeling wrong for asking in the first place.
To what purpose is this tactic employed?
1. Lying is complicated. Lying means having to remember a story that never happened, details that don’t exist. It’s messy, and inevitably leads to the liar being caught.
2. Holding back information is often a form of protection – both for the withholder and to those from which the information is withheld. “I care about you enough not to lie, but I also care about you enough not to share everything”. This serves the dual purpose of protecting the withholder from the extreme vulnerability that accompanies real honesty.
But in the end, it’s still lying. In the end, it’s still a conscious decision made, whether out of guilt or love.
It’s not honesty. It’s shades of gray.
This is true, although I would suggest it is further complicated by the way the brain works. People frequently have difficulty discerning the truth about some kinds of things internally, let alone finding words to accurately communicate them. My question is this: What is your position? Are you advocating 100% truth telling?
I tend to do this often and for the reasons you mention. I did something that others may see as wrong and I might not. And to avoid a fight or having to explain myself I just don’t tell. But if they ask, if they really want to know I’ll tell. Great post.