I have this very poignant memory of 8th grade. There was this group of kids, not quite troublemakers, not quite the popular crowd, but they always seemed to be having a good time. They were a group of cool unto themselves.
I wanted to be part of this group. So from the end of 7th grade, I made it my mission to get accepted into the group. I made friends with their friends, dated the outer ring of the group until eventually, I made the “inner circle” around the end of 8th grade.
As always, the grass is never greener on the other side. I found out many of them were doing drugs and having sex. And as much as I am dramatic, these kids made even me look stoic. As a result, it was long before I started phasing myself out and finding people that were more like me.
Jump ahead 4 years…
I assumed once I left college and moved into the real world that the clique-centered mentality I experience in my youth would fall to the wayside. Of course people would still search out and prefer individuals more like themselves, but the purposeful exclusion or labeling would disappear.
But then I joined the Teach for America corps.
Our 5 week “teacher boot camp” took place at a college in Houston. Since the majority of us were freshly graduated, those old habits were hard to kill for many. Our sessions took place in a small library at round tables, and several of the teachers in my corps decided to label one of the tables, “The A-Team”. They would actually turn people away from sitting at that particular table. It was disgusting and embarrassing to our corps. I had trouble believing that these behaviors still existed.
I’m beginning to realize they never quite go away.
Here I am, 26 years old, and still cliques, inner circles, the idea of the favored few pervade social circles.
Is it because it’s easier? Are these traditional roles hard wired into our brains? Are cliques our default setting?
There’s the good old monkeysphere argument.
Having grown up a pariah, I’m not much for excluding people unless they display antisocial tendencies. But there is something keenly attractive about being included in an “in-group”, and it’s got to be primal.
People are scared and like to associate with those most like them. Often, this means excluding others in order to make whatever people they find feel superior.
The more open you are, the more likely you are to learn and grow.
After being the picked-on girl in Jr High I completely gave up on trying to be in any group. Turns out there’s a lot of middle people out there. I find people I like and who like me and forget the rest. And now 30+ years later, suddenly I’m in the middle of a cool crowd and still being me.
One of my favorite classes in college was Psychology (I know … scary) so I spent a ton of time on Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs. I am sure you are aware of the concept. Anyhow, while wondering the same thing, I noticed that three of the five needs can be fulfilled just by being amongst a group of like minded individuals.
I would think that it is human nature. What I have found is that the more I analyze it, the more it validates that it is the case.