The majority of people would call me nice. I’m typically the “nice nonprofit girl” that is always bubbly, cheerful and full of ridiculous humor that people laugh more at than with.
And for the most part, that is who I am.
But if you look at my background, something seems a bit off. I worked in politics with an interest in lobbying. I have a master’s degree with a focus in PR. Sure people are genuinely nice in these fields, but nice with a purpose is far more common.
In its crudest form, relationships are transactions – practices in trade. One or both parties provide support, guidance, inspiration, etc., in exchange for the other party’s talents and skills. Most people don’t look at their personal relationships in this way, so politically. Generally when I share that I do, people want to nothing to do with me.
Being nice is my tool. I know that at some point, I’m going to need something from Party A. Therefore, it is in my best interest to maintain a pleasant relationship until that transaction is fulfilled. I don’t demand things of people outright and I don’t ask for anything without offering something in return. But yes, there is a plan. It doesn’t mean short term and it doesn’t mean it isn’t genuine.
There are other ways to go about getting what you want and I’m not one to argue they are less effective methods. Being brutally honest and upfront works on a level as well. You only attract people who can match your intensity and that are worth your time is one argument. It allows you to have little filter and always say what you mean. And there is much to be respected in that. In many ways, I work to be more like that.
It’s the difference between controlling a conversation through dominance or strategically steering it in your favor. It’s the difference between tolerating for the sake of the bigger picture or debating the smaller piece. It’s the difference between critiquing an individual’s idea outright or listening to them speak and then doing it your way anyway.
In other words, I’m sneaky with a big, bright smile.
