How to succeed at mooching

Image by Steve Wampler via Flickr

“There’s no such thing as a free lunch”

Psh.

Mooching is the art of taking advantage of another person, or attempting to get something for free.

To be a successful moocher, you must both have genuine guilt and be able to turn the emotion off. For example, you must actually forget your wallet at home during a lunch with a colleague, but still have the lack of guilt to ask that they pay for your meal.

Second, you must be creative. Asking for a total sum of money is obvious – “can I have 5 dollars?” Asking for a small donation from lots of people – more likelihood you’ll succeed. I once asked each of my friends for various sized coins – a nickel here, quarter there – until I had enough money to purchase my entire lunch in high school.

Third, be cheap. Whenever going out to dinner with friends, express your poorness loudly and often. “Oh, I can’t drink tonight. I’ve got rent due this week.” “I was just going to order an appetizer. I can’t afford an entree. I’m really not that hungry anyway. What are you guys having?”

Fourth, be patient. The last two events I’ve gone to for free were simply because I waited to purchase tickets. Someone wasn’t able to get rid of them last minute – wallah.

Lastly, always have at least one friend/relative in the following professions:
- Press/Media
- PR (particularly sports or luxury)
- Tourism
- Airlines
- High-profile blogger

What’s your most impressive mooching story?

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