Honesty

Yesterday, Tyler Hurst wrote a blog post about Honesty and Truth. He wrote:

It [being honest] means accepting and giving criticism without malice or ego. It means being inside the group with an outsider’s perspective. You’d have the best of both worlds, and you could project that.

No second guessing, no suppressing emotion and no time spent constructing a narrative that sounds interesting. You’re free to think and do whatever you like, unbound by obligation.

I haven’t always been an honest person. Just like most, I lied to cover my ass, to not hurt people’s feelings and simply because it was easier. That changed when I began teaching. I couldn’t lie to my students. It was wrong to lie to kids that had begun life at a disadvantage. They knew how the world could be and my trying to lie to them was downright disrespectful to their life experiences.

And at first, it was liberating. I didn’t have to remember elaborate stories or feel the guilt of a lie. Being honest took out the emotion.

But there are some negative sides to being honest.

Though I can provide criticism or feedback without malice, almost always the other party takes it harshly. I’m seen as having no tact, or empathy for the other person’s feelings. It makes me seem odd and out of place.

Honesty has also enhanced my already literal brain. Since I tell the truth, I take what everyone else says at face value, because I typically say what I mean. Not always, but mostly. This makes light-hearted, playful conversation a bit tricky.

And honesty causes me stress. Telling my boss exactly what I did, when I wasn’t aware I screwed up, is uncomfortable. It heightens my stress level because I was honest in my actions and believed what I was doing was right.

I’m glad that I can live honestly, but it isn’t always easier than lying.