What is so wrong with equilibrium that humans fight against it?
When nothing is wrong, my brain creates a problem. I must be in a state of chaos and turmoil at all times because sadly, that is what is normal for me.
I can’t recognize good things or moments for what they are because I’m always working ahead to the next problem, or assumed problem.
As per last week’s post, I’ve been trying to keep track of what makes me happy. One of the comments on that blog struck me as cutting through the bullshit and getting right to my issue:
“[...] I have a suspicion that you’re happier than you suspect, and that there are too many small things in the day that make you happy to effectively log. [...]. Happy moments seem to float by; the annoying, nasty, hurtful, dreary ones seem to last much longer. It’s just harder to stew over the kind gesture than it is the perceived insult.”
This flaw could end up costing me a lot.
I don’t believe it is an innate quality that cannot be changed. I’ve been trying and it is HELLA difficult. I also believe we as emotional beings all struggle with this. I’d be happy to hear I’m not alone.
It’s a function of being young, intelligent and conscientious. Now that you have conscientious down, you can put the negative aspect of that training in the rear-view mirror and make it get small.
It gets better with time. Trust me.
I wake up every morning feeling like I won the lottery. Wasn’t always this way.
I can relate – as an Enneagram Four and as a fellow “young intelligent and conscientious” being, I have fought for much of my adult life to focus on the good of the now, on appreciating what I have, instead of always looking for flaws in my experiences or longing something I don’t have.
It’s a good recognition. And, Stace is right, it does get better with time. The more you observe and recognize the tendency towards “what’s missing” or “what will go wrong” the more prepared you will be for the next time you begin thinking that.
One day, as you are having fun and some nasty little thought about how what could go wrong flies into your head you will think to yourself, “nah, I am going to let that flow by, next thought please”. And that simple action will leave you in happy =)
Thoughts, “good” or “bad”, constantly flow into our minds eyes. We choose which thoughts we want to hold onto and which ones we want to let flow by.
Letting go of the bad, focusing on the good. It’s easy if you are consciously monitoring your thoughts and habit of thoughts on a regular basis. I think being conscious to the habits of mind is the hard part. Once you are aware, letting go is easy!
Be careful about dinging yourself for this being a “flaw”. You look for the next problem because for some period of time in your life it served you. Looking for the next problem means you are prepared. It means you have a plan and you are protected, even emotionally, if something goes wrong. It is a learned and adapted survival instinct.
What can be incredibly powerful is when you are able to manage your instincts in such a way that you embrace the positive sides (in this case preparedness and protection) and let go of the downsides (how focusing on the next problem takes you away from focusing on the good).
Good luck as you continue sorting these things out!
You’re not alone. The simple key to happiness is thinking you are happy. Easier said than done.