100 posts in two and a half years…wow…that’s tragic for someone who is mastering in mass communications at the moment. Guess I should make 101 immense and profound…
well, I’ll try anyway…but first, the updates.
Finals around the corner…bad
Got a teaching assistant position that will pay my full tuition…good
Thanksgiving with grandparents…good
Alright, now onto the profound stuff (speaking from a completely biased perspective)
I’ve had lots of time to think lately…mostly while I should be sleeping, but who’s counting. My life’s concerns, a.k.a. drama, seem to center around four things….Pride, Patience, Perfection and Pettiness. From these four themes, if you will, come sub-genres, different tellings of the same plot. So far, I have identified friendships, intelligence, men and self-perception to be the revolving storylines.
But here’s the real profoundness. Why am I writing this on my blog?
I thought about this before I wrote the entry. Who would I tell this to? Who would it make sense to? Well…no one. No offense to my beloved Brian or Dorie, whom I seem to tell everything else to. It’s just that I’m not sure what I can and cannot devulge these days.
As usual, all my deep thoughts stem from a movie. I recently purchased season one of “House M.D.” Excellent show by the way. I’m fascinated by the character of house. I’m not sure if it’s strange, but I don’t feel sorry for him or angry with him. In fact, I envy his detachment. I’m sure I’m not the only one. Detachment means you can’t get hurt. But I think I envy it because it’s so much less work and worry. I hate having to keep up with people over the phone. Give me an email, text message or letter any day. I also detest the perception of closeness with someone and then the sense of being dropped when that disappears. I wouldn’t have to work up to the comfortability level of a deep conversation, or have to judge when I think it’s appropriate. I could just stir in the soup of my own thoughts.
That’s one side of the story…the other side is that I’m desperately in need of my friends. Despite his being 1,000 miles away, I still miss Brian. I always notice when it’s been more than a week since we’ve talked. I hate that I haven’t met his significant other. It drives me crazy that we see either once a year, if we’re lucky. I miss having him help me make decisions or weigh in on a guy.
You move to a new place, you’re going to have “shallow friendships” for awhile until you build up trust and establish boundaries. I think I’d either like to violently shove this process into high gear…or give it up all together.