It all began with low test scores…
My school has gone into a state of emergency….state tests being the emergency and the lack of motivation from my 7th graders being the terrorists acts causing the state of alert.
Instead of having 7 normal 55 minute periods throughout the day, my school first began what is know as “zero period”. 7:30-9:30 each day is spent on intensive reading and math review with one teacher. The rest of the day is divided into 40 minute periods, barely enough time to teach a subject to college kids, let alone middle schoolers. This has lasted about 3 weeks. First round of tests since the experiment began cause our administration to throw itself into an uproar. OUTRAGEOUS!! We need more tutoring!
Which brillantly lead to double zero period….
Now, I have one set of students from 7:30-9:30am, another group from 9:35-11am and my last zero period group from 11:05-12:30pm. After a 35-minute lunch, I teach three, 40 minute class periods. The students I see depend on the day; Monday, Wednesday, Friday is 1st, 2nd and 4th, while the “T” days are 5th, 7th and 8th. Not only is it illegal (teachers are required to have at least a 50 minute planning period a day), it’s overkill. Teaching straight for 9 hours, plus tutorials on top of that is nearly exhausting…nearly. The zero periods have proven to be slightly rewarding because I only have 10-13 students that I can really focus on. It may not be my subject (which is gradually being phased out) but at least it feels worthwhile.
More on the “forgotten” subject of history later…. (I’ve got a great rant about a NY Times article)
On to my hit realization for the week:
I’ve been consistently told this week that I’m a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. Well here’s props to everyone who has mentioned it because one aspect of that thought hit me square in the face today.
Everyday I make a choice when I get out of bed, get dressed and get in my car. I don’t stay in bed, refusing to face the reality of this path I have chosen. I don’t drive my car past the gates of my school, past Rio Grande City and upward to the great city of Chicago. I don’t give in to the pleas and the heartaches, “Come home. We miss you!”
Everyday, I go to work as a teacher, knowing that for every day I make that choice, I’m subtracting one atom of chemistry from my relationship, and adding one molecule of grief and anxiety. Every night, I plan out my lessons for the next day, knowing that I’m choosing to talk to my boyfriend, my family and my friends over the phone, instead of over coffee at Caribou or White Palace. Everyday that I put these kids ahead of everything else in my life, I move one half step off the path of my peers. I have to make choice everyday, knowing the guilt it makes me feel and the sadness it can cause others, without being able to offer any justification as to why I do it, other than “I have to”.
If I walk away from this, it would leave a destroyed soul, as opposed to the bruised one currently residing in Texas.
I have to believe this has a pay-off or else it was all for nothing.
Katie, I can’t believe that anyone would tell you to give up and come home! I’m sure it’s not meant in that way, but I’m sure that’s how it sounds. You made a commitment to TFA and to those kids. I’m proud of you for sticking with it, even though it’s been a tough road. Don’t worry, everyone who loves you will still be here waiting for you when you’ve accomplished what you set out to do. And, in the end, you will return as a much better and stronger person.
Don’t forget: I want to see pictures of your baby!